- Silvia Johnson
A friend of mine and I were chatting about getting married. Having been through my own nuptial planning not long ago, I was greatly aware of the pressure brides feel to manage a lot of moving parts, and the opinions of family and friends. In addition to planning a wedding, she had a lot of other big life changes that she was dealing with as well. As many folks across the country, she was faced with being out of a job. To add to the pressure, she and her fiance made the decision to move in together to save costs. Well, this relieved one kind of stress, but it added a new one, the fact that she hadn’t lived with anybody for years.
As we talked about all the life changes she was facing, and she also mentioned that there were so many things that were setting her off and this was frustrating her even more. Hearing the tension in her voice, I said to her – “Jane, you are not yourself right now. Give yourself a break. With the amount of change in your life, you are going to be acting in ways that are not ‘normal’ for you. When anyone is placed in a position of high change and high stress, we all act a little abnormal.” As if a light bulb had gone off, she said, in a much lighter tone – “You are right! I have been under a lot of change and stress, and that must be why things I thought I had taken care of are creeping back in.” She was so relieved to realize that the game had changed temporarily, and that meant new rules to maintain a certain amount of stability within herself and her relationship.
The thing to note here is that it is not just the number of changes/pressures you are dealing with, it can be the intensity that may set you off into a pattern of behavior that is not your “standard”. If you ever find yourself acting out in ways you thought you had resolved with a relationship or in ways that are unusual to you, spend some time assessing your life and where your energy is going. Decide, based on that, what “rules” may need to change for you, including things you may need to “let go of” permanently or temporarily. Also, make a list of those stand-bys that give you energy and make sure you are giving yourself an added dose to help you move forward in a productive way. In no time things will evolve and stabilize, helping you move forward in even better and more fulfilling ways!!