My3Goals Blog

- Leo Hirsch

“Half Half and Half”

Someone actually said these words to me the other day. Strangely enough, this statement made sense to me.

The reason her statement made sense to me is because I knew the context. It reminded me that all of us may have trouble understanding the meaning of what someone says if we don’t fully understand the speaker’s context. And yet, we assign meaning to the words people say to us all the time without having the slightest idea of what the other person really means.

I’m reminded of a time when my boss told me, “You need to be on time for my staff meetings.” My boss held his staff meeting at 8:00 am on Wednesday mornings and I was having trouble getting to them on time. I was arriving 10 to 15 minutes late to at least one meeting a month. He was justified in saying this to me. I knew that he was telling me that he was very disappointed in my tardiness. After all, if I respected him and I thought that his meetings were important, then I’d make sure that I got to them on time. Wouldn’t I? In addition, if I didn’t start showing up for his meetings on time, then he was probably going to take disciplinary action and he would be justified in doing so, because I was clearly at fault. This was the meaning I put on his statement.

I felt ashamed and I looked down at the ground and said, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be late. I’m commuting a long way and the traffic in the mornings is very unpredictable. I’ll make an extra effort to get here on time. I want you to know that I think that your meeting is very important and I mean no disrespect when I’m late.”

He gave me a puzzled look and said, “Oh, it’s not that! I want you to be on time so that you can fully participate in our discussions. Your input is very valuable. You often have a point of view that is different from the rest of my staff and because of that I always want to hear your opinion. When you are late, I don’t always get your input on things that are going on. So, I would appreciate it if you could be on time. Thanks!” (big smile on his face)

Obviously, this experience stayed with me over the years because it represented a significant learning for me: I might not really understand what someone means unless I have sufficient information.

So, when someone says something “rude” to me, or someone says something “disrespectful”, I try to remember that I might want to gather more information before I respond.

By the way, this person was responding to a question I had asked her. I asked, “Do you want Half and Half or non-fat milk in your coffee?”

-Scott Shute

It’s back to school time in our house. There are new backpacks, books, pencils. There are locker combinations to remember and school lunches to pack. A teacher waits with eyebrows raised and asks “Do you have your listening ears on?” Soccer and baseball are starting again. A new cycle has started and excitement is bubbling.

But as adults, the learning cycles aren’t always so obvious. We don’t necessarily get a new backpack as a signal that new lessons are coming. For life-long learners, I think the changes come more often and more naturally. We’ve sent a message to the universe that says “I still want more. I’m not done yet”. Not more money or more things….but more “me”. The true “me”, the ancient wise one, that pure spark of energy that is truth itself. To get to that point requires continuous refining, continuous learning.

I heard someone explaining last week that “Where there’s suffering or tension, there’s learning.” Ok, it’s true, I agree. Tension is an amazing teacher. But long ago I decided, owing to my fundamental laziness, that I wanted an easier path. I observed the pain and suffering in the world and said…”hmm, is there a better way?”

The secret is in the listening. I think it goes something like this…

Life taps at the door very quietly with a new lesson, waiting patiently for our acknowledgment. If ignored, then comes a knock. Still ignored? Then a couple of sharp raps on the door. If we don’t answer, life is still determined. We have requested this lesson after all, whether we’re conscious of it or not. So life now pounds on the door with both fists. “Strange”, we say, “all that noise in the hall. I wonder what it could be.” Life is kicking the door, shaking the pictures off the wall and scaring our cats. Still, we ignore the noise, not sure what to do. Maybe we blame it on the neighbors. Finally, when it can be ignored no longer, life kicks the door open, rushes at us in a blaze of activity, and shouts “Here I am! Can you see me now? Your order has arrived. I am your lesson.”

It’s messy. There’s a broken door, and debris everywhere. Even the neighbors are peering in to see what calamity has occurred. We’re shocked. We can’t believe it.

After all of this we say “Jeesh…you could have just knocked.”

It doesn’t have to be hard. But for it to be truly easy, we have to listen very carefully.

Do you have your listening ears on?